LOVE A 4 LETTER WORD OR REALITY?

well i know its been a while sweetheart..but it's no excuse!! HOWEVER,
today started off asa a normal day i hopped outta bed turn my alarm clock off...took a look in the mirror said whats up...lol now back 2 basics....got dressed met my gals and went to the cafe..now after my 4oclk class is when things started to get complicated! i recieved an text from an ex..i mean end off the alphabet X! we started off hey how you been good onmy end great on his ..he asked about the family.i did the same then he said,....(pause)can I ask you one question? im startled and scared at the same time ..bu ti paly it cool i reply yeah whats up(in my cool voice)he said why didnt you come to see me on my break im thinking uhhh no! but .....i try not to be mean and say the break flew by..now mind you all this was my boyfriend when i was in the 11th grade 06" thats history..what or why do he need to see me?> idk however...i just let it pass by..now a little blast from the past i was dating him on in off for almost 3 years ALMOST!!!!! now i broke te boy heart yes i admitt it but i apologized and mmoved on with my life..i think about him sometimes ...(only because ive endured the karma that came from doing him wrong).....now i was thinking about my last realationship and how it left me bruised..i loved the crap outta him and i thought it was a mutual feeling i mean dinner and a movie every weekend ..to chuck e cheese to play air hocky..we did it all ..then my dream turned into a nightmare!!!! HE LEFT ME!!!!!:(..YEP JUST LIKE THAT !..i was so hurt i cried cried and cried....that was so hard....when i finally got over him?(now) he want to call text e-mail me and tell me he love and miss me..why didnt he do those things when we were together? idk..all i know is it hurt..now back to the situation at hand..LOVE-WHAT IS LOVE AND WHY DO IT MAKE YOU FEEL A CERTAIN TYPE OF WAY?
({LOVE)}a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.........now like i said i loved him i had a personal attachment to him..but did he have that for me..so is it really true when people say you dont know what you have until it's gone..yea or ne?? well yeah but then again no i never missed dex..11th grade bf..but jay ex bf missed me?....hm i start to wonder do i ever want to love again.......
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love....<3 so now i have been single august will make it 1 whole year and i always put on a front like niggs aint shhhh,,(shut your mouth) but in reality i miss loving i mean i miss talking to my boo's on the phone all night and waking up to that text that brightens your whole day..but do i wanna go down the road of pain again.........i dont think nobody want to be lonly but when you been hurt so many times lov turn into phobia's fear of being hurt fear of broken hearts and fear of commitment.....however when it's my time again i will love and love hard,,,but until then i'll just pray for my broken heart to mend....my fav..song.seems like yesterday i didnt even no your name now today ur always on my mind i never could have predicted i would feel this way you are the beautiful surprise.intxicate everytime i hear your voice you got me on a natural high its almost like i didnt even have no choice you are the beautiful surprise.whatever it is that you came to teach me im am here to learn it cause i belive that we are written in the stars and i dont know wat the future holds but im living in the moment and im thankful for the man that you are. you are everything i asked for in my prayers so i no my angels bought you to my life your energy is healing to my soul you are the beautiful surprise.you are an inspiration to lfe you are the reason why i smile you are the BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE........